Open, honest expression deepens the relationship with self and transforms communication with others.
To effectively express yourself you first need to understand what you are feeling, what is triggering what you are feeling, if there a particular person that triggers these feelings, are you holding something or someone responsible for what you are feeling. Asking yourself these questions will provide answers that will bring clarity to what can be a cycle of confusion. With clarity you are better equipped to become the master of your emotions rather than a slave.
Being the master of your emotions is to take responsibility for what you are feeling and express yourself honestly. It means that you reflect on personal perceptions and realise your interpretation of what others communicate are based upon these perceptions. It is understanding that if someone is deliberately triggering you that they are functioning from their own perceptions. And if they are nasty then that is a reflection of them and not you. When you become the master you create boundaries that signals to others that you are minding your emotions and they should mind theirs. If someone is rude then rather than taking offence ask yourself if there is something in their message that you need to assess within yourself.
Remember life is happening for you to grow, and sometimes the only way to get your attention is present things in a way that, well in a way that gets your attention. If you are taking notice of something there is a reason for that. If you adopt the idea that there is opportunity in everything then everything will begin to look different and you will see opportunity. An exciting new way of living will open up.
Imagine the rude person is in fact mirroring something that you yourself needs to attend to. I have seen so many times when someone talks about the behaviour of another and I can clearly see that the person is receiving a mirror reflection of what they do themselves, but are unaware of it.
When you become an observer you will be amazed at how true this is. It it is like stepping into a sitcom where people openly accuse each other of doing what they do themselves. We laugh and point and say they do that. And as the adage goes there is truth behind every joke or as Sigmund Freud said “A joke is truth wrapped in a smile.” And yep that is us laughing at the sitcom characters who are openly wrapping the truth in a smile.
Zooming back on the track of self-expression and how this relates to the sitcom scenario. When it comes to self-expression we play roles and present ourselves to people as we believe they want to see us. Ask yourself, are you able to express what you are really thinking or feeling or do you mask your thoughts and feelings and communicate in ways that are expected of you?
One of the most difficult things to do is honestly express yourself. That is because there mostly the relationship we have with our emotions is poor. If you reflected upon the relationship you have with your emotions you will find that you deny, defend and deceive yourself about your feelings. It is always because of this and because of that and to a stock take of how you are feeling and why would mean that you have to get real and get honest with yourself and doing that would reveal that you got honest with yourself then you would have to get honest with others and that would mean significant changes. And the thought of that is cringe-worthy.
And yet if you want to become the master of your life, which is to become the master of your emotions then rustle up your courage and get ready to evaluate your emotions, and take the adventure of a lifetime.
Should you choose to take the challenge, be prepared to see the real face of people. When you no longer play the role expected of you. You might find yourself standing alone with your mask in your hand. You will have a choice to put your mask back on and live life as you have been or you can wait to be joined by those who like you have been courageous enough to drop their masks. This is finding your tribe and they will love you for who you really are.
HONEST EXPRESSION & TREMBLING KNEES
Honest expression is to align what you say and do with the way you think and act. If you feel that it is necessary to speak and act differently to how you think and feel, you are not being true to yourself and there will be a nagging feeling of not fitting in with yourself or others. Second guessing what you do or say, feeling wishy-washy and unsure are signs that you are not expressing your truth. Expressing how you really feel can have a physiological affect such as increased heart rate, sweaty palms, stuttering, twitching or trembling, exaggerated gestures and speech. That is because you are going into unknown territory and this causes a stress response similar to meeting a grizzly bear. Because you are literally baring what you have masked and that can be terrifying. But as discussed in other posts. Facing what you fear the most is the most empowering things you can do and an empowered person expresses themselves truthfully, regardless of what others might think of them.
Openly discussing what is being felt requires emotional responsibility. By being emotionally responsible the people you are communicating with will trust that they can express themselves truthfully without fear of being blamed or shamed for feeling the way they do. As communication channels open the need to defend oneself dissolves.
As an emotionally responsible person you will observe feeling as they arise and explore why they have surfaced. Without projecting this onto another.
The difficulty with honest self-expression is that you are learning on the job. That is because prior to this you have been on auto response. From early childhood you have been moulded to respond in ways that align with what is acceptable to the people around you.
Now you are shedding the mask is will feel like standing naked in the middle of the street. You will be under scrutiny as people assess and adjust to the new you. Of course there will be those who don't adjust and you will have to allow them to walk their own way.
Uncovering the layers and attending to suppressed aspects.
When you give permission for your emotions to surface hidden aspects will surface. It is important to allow this and not try to stuff the emotion down. If the emotion is intense ride the wave of intensity and then look at what is sitting in front of you. Which most likely you as a child. And what would you do if you had an upset child expressing it's deepest fears. Embrace them, tell them you love them and that they are not alone.
When you have built a relationship of trust with suppressed aspects you will find that
you will have gained conscious awareness and that the need to deny, ignore or suppress an aspect no longer exists it can be expressed and in doing so you are attending to your needs. From this will you will gain the courage air your vulnerabilities. Barriers come tumbling down and enable authentic expression. You will comfortably own your feelings and emotions and communicate them effectively. You will know that the way in which another responds to what you are communicating is based upon their own inner perceptions and interpretations. And you can encourage them to be open and honest with themselves. This enables authentic communication which encourages others to drop their defences. This form of expression deepens the connection with self and transforms relationships with others.
Please note that if trauma and abuse was experienced in childhood and the intensity of the emotion is overwhelming then it is recommended that a trained therapist is engaged for support.